I Know I Know I Know...I'm slack!

Well it has been a while but now that it's holidays and the kids are in bed, I'm able to blog! I am in a circle journal on SBM forum on grief and loss. On the 1st January this year I lost my beautiful baby girl, Shelby, to SIDS. It has been such a challenging and tragic time in my life and that of my family's so I thoguht that part of that healing process would be to journal about my loss.

So a few of the awesome ladies on the SBM forum, who also have experienced a tragic loss that has greatly impacted on their lives, are joining me on this painful journey.

I thought that I would share what I have done so far.

This is the front cover

This is inside the front cover

This is the welcome page

These are the sign in pages titled "Angels Among Us"

Sorry, not great photography - there is a 'g' there lol

I had 2 themed pages for my journal.

The first one is "The day you went away"

The journaling is very personal but I will share it here:

The day you went away....I remember it so clearly, like it was only yesterday.It was New Years Day, the kids were at Mum’s and it was just the three of us.Mum, Dad and Shelby. We were going to go out for the day, but in the end we decided to stay home. How I wish we had gone. Things may have been so very different. After putting you down for a sleep we decided to clean out the garage. So off we went. We kept coming into check on you and all seemed fine. I said to Irwan that I would just go and check on you and then I would take a load of stuff down to the Salvos.

That was the moment.

The moment that irrevocably changed our lives and the lives of our family forever. I cannot express the feeling, of walking in the room and the stillness......it was palpable.

Running to the bassinet

Picking you up

Screaming

Irwan screaming

You were gone.I tried, but it was too late.

Calling 000 waiting for the ambulance

5 minutes seemed like an eternity

Finally, they arrived and with them came hope

But then, hearing those words....it’s too late, she’s gone

The feeling of unimaginable pain, unbelievable sadness, of disbelief, anger, blame.

But it will never change the fact that you are gone.

The day you went away was and always will be my darkest hour

The second page is themed "Lessons Learnt"

Love to hear your thoughts

xx